Afraid to Love?

I have spent the last 2 weeks reflecting on the idea of loving with my whole heart. I have always said that I did and perhaps I was saying it because that was my intention but recently I recognized that my iron shield is still in place protecting my heart from hurt.

I was reading a blog by Lissa Rankin and she shared a story about her dog being injured and she wrote the words "I give you permission to break my heart". My breath stopped and I felt a knife piercing my heart. The words were powerful and triggered a deep response in my body. My internal dialogue was strong and fierce "why would I give others permission to hurt me?"

I felt the "flight or fight" response in my body kick in as a rush of adrenalin was released and a deep sense of fear filled my body and mind. It was as if I were fighting for my life and my first instinct was to run and hide. Why did those words hit me so deeply? As I turned my attention inward I felt a shield around my heart. What I heard was "I give you permission to hurt me". I realized my heart was still closed off because there was a part of me that was still so afraid to be hurt. Not only was this thick shield protecting me from hurt but it was blocking me from really loving with my whole heart.


When I was younger I felt like a victim of life's circumstances. I grew up with a lot of pain, physically and emotionally. I held onto the pain so that I wouldn't burden others, especially my Mother. Many years ago someone taught me that no one else can hurt me, I can only choose to feel hurt. This idea allowed me to move from feeling like a victim to Standing in my POWER again. I felt a renewed sense of control as I realized I had the ability to choose how to respond in any situation.What I just realized is that the idea that no one can hurt me I can only choose to feel hurt actually became another layer of iron on my shield protecting my heart. 

I have moments when I open the gates to my heart fully and it is in those moments I feel most vulnerable. Why can't I keep the gates open all the time? What am I so afraid of? Is it really about being afraid of feeling hurt or am I really afraid to love fully and completely?

Love is such a powerful emotion and to love fully feels overwhelming to me. The good news it is only overwhelming because it is unfamiliar. As I continue to practice opening my heart to feel fully it will become more familiar and become easier and easier. Does that protect me from feeling hurt, grief, disappointment and fear? Absolutely not. I want to feel everything, the positive and the negative emotions. That is what being human is all about. It is in the fear you recognize and appreciate love. It is in deep sadness you appreciate joy and happiness. We need the contrast to appreciate and recognize how good joy and love feels.

To what extent do you love with your whole heart? Are you willing to give and receive love without a shield of protection around your heart? Are you afraid to love? Can you love like you have never been hurt before?

To some people it may seem impossible to heal  a deep seeded fear like this one but I know in my heart ANYTHING can be healed. I am choosing a gentle path for this one. Instead of forcing and trying to get rid of my iron shield it I will bless it for all the lessons it provided. I will love as much as I can in each moment and let go of any judgments or fears as they show up.

Each day my intention is to repeat and embrace the following affirmation:
"I choose to live through the opening in my heart."


I would love to hear from you. Please share your comments below.

HOPE, FAITH and Living My Dreams: It is Possible!

Last spring I sat in meditation with tears running down my cheeks. Frustrated with my health and the lack of answers from all the medical tests I had done. I questioned how the results could be all “normal” when I felt so abnormal. At the same time the reality of our financial picture had me filled with fear and worry. The deep yearning in my heart to adopt my little girl who is waiting for me in Africa, felt like a deep thorn in my heart. I could hear her voice calling me and there was nothing I could do because we couldn’t afford to start the adoption process. My heart was aching, I could hardly breath.

I threw my arms up into the air and yelled “I don’t understand! What? What? What? What would you have me do? Please help me! Obviously what I am doing is not working. Please help me see another way. I am willing. I am committed. I am open. Please show me another way and I will listen and follow.”

Within 2 hours of that meditation I received an email from Julia Indichova, author of Inconceivable and The Fertile Female, inviting me to a private “meet and greet”. I would have the opportunity to meet women’s health advocate, author and world renowned obstetrician Dr Christiane Northrup. I have admired and followed the work of Dr Northrup for many years. Her book Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom is my main reference for women’s health. I was excited about having the opportunity to meet her. When I read further I realized it was the weekend I would be in Toronto teaching my Fertility Yoga Teacher Training course. There was an interesting turn of events in December that had forced me to change my course from January to this particular weekend April. I took a moment to appreciate the synchronicities. I looked at my busy schedule and realized there was a convenient window of opportunity to attend the meeting. I was naturally concerned about timing as Toronto was a big city but when I realized it was only 9 minutes away from where I was teaching, I looked up at the universe and said “ok I get it, I will go”. This was the sign I was asking for. I had no idea what I was supposed to gain by going other than having the privilege of meeting Dr Northrup. My heart and mind were open.

Click here to read more...

Great Video - everybody must watch!

I am not even going to say anything other than please watch this video, it will change how you look at your health and the health of our society.

I love Jamie Oliver! He is on a mission to change the health of the world! Well done!

Click here to watch the video.

REBIRTH

I just came back from a beautiful weekend with my Team Northrup Tribe. I am so grateful to be a part of this warm, loving and passionate group of women and the men who love them. I feel like I have been reborn into a tribe and I feel like I am at home with SELF and at the same time I am supported by a strong vibrant community.

We support each other as we reinvent the way we live our lives. We inspire Self and others to step into their full potential and to take charge of their life as they become a powerful force for change. The only word that can come close to capturing it is "WOW"!

I want to share a poem I wrote several years ago. May it inspire you to reinvent your SELF! May it empower you to find peace going through a process of rebirth!

Rebirth
A refreshing innocense
An authentic soul
Curious and generous
Playful and whole

A beloved phoenix
So young at heart
Who rose from the ashes
To make a new start

Are all supplements created equal? Are you wasting your money?

I have spent the last 5 years focusing on improving my own health. I was having heavy menstrual cycles with severe bleeding, mid cycle spotting, low energy, fatigue, pale face with dark circles around my eyes, discomfort in my uterus and bladder and urge incontinence - just to name a few symptoms.

I tried everything! Eating whole foods, eliminating dairy, sugar and alcohol, eating organic, removing gluten and starchy carbs, many many different supplements and nothing seemed to help. I had blood tests and ultrasounds and according to Western Medicine all tests were "normal".

Last April I was confused and frustrated about my health. While I realized eating healthy and eliminating sugar/gluten helped, it just wasn't enough. I was introduced to USANA Health Sciences by Julia Indichova, author of Inconceivable and The Fertile Female. When I realized Dr Christiane Northrup, OB-gyn and author of Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom, had been using USANA nutritional supplements with her patients for over a decade, I decided to give them a try.

I began with the RESET cleanse to eliminate my sugar/carb cravings. While I was off sugar I still found myself craving it, but refusing to give into the cravings. During the 5 day cleanse I felt more energy and my sugar cravings disappeared and to this day I still have no sugar cravings. I continued on the Essentials which is a multi-mineral and antioxidant. I have taken multivitamins my entire life and never really noticed a difference before but I knew I needed them so I took them anyway. After just 4 weeks of taking the Essentials I felt 60% better. I had more energy, my menstrual cycle was better, I actually felt that I was receiving nutrients right down to the level of my cells.

As I continued on the Essentials along with an Iron Supplement, my health completed changed in about 6 months. I could feel the difference they were making and I was seeing measurable improvements in my overall health. I was feeling stronger with more energy everyday. So why did these supplements make such a difference compared to the hundreds I have tried before? I tried plant based ones, organic ones, whole food based ones, expensive ones, cheap ones and nothing made a difference compared to what I noticed with the Essentials.

I was shocked to learn that most nutritional supplements are poorly regulated and many are full of additives, fillers and cheap low quality ingredients. They have great marketing campaigns so I guess that is where most of their money goes. You can't even trust that what is written on the label is what actually what is in the bottle because it is not regulated. Many different brands also use the same manufacturing plant. Recently I read about a manufacturing plant that was randomly inspected and they found rat urine and feces all over the place. While the label may look good can we really guarantee what we are buying?

USANA Health Sciences was founded by Dr Myron Wentz who is an expert in cellular health. They voluntarily adhere to Pharmaceutical Good Manufacturing Practices. This is the same manufacturing practice required by pharmaceutical companies so they guarantee what is on the label is what is in the bottle. They are regularily inspected and have a high quality control as well as their own in house manufacturing facility. Their standards exceed all others. I have done my research and the more I learn about USANA the more I believe that they are the best supplement on the market today. Even many Olympic Athletes use and trust them!

I have so much more to say but for now I will leave you with this document to help you understand that not all supplements are created equal. It talks about the Comparative Guide to Nutritional Supplements by Canadian biochemist and author Lyle MacWilliam. He compares over 1500 supplements on the market today and found USANA's Essentials to be #1. To give you an example, USANA scores the highest at 96.1% while Centrum scores 5.1%. It also explains the difference between using individual supplements versus a synergistic blend. I believe the blend USANA uses is what has made the most difference on my health and the health of many of my clients.

Click here to read more.

Let the Olympics Inspire you to Participate in your Own Health

The city of Vancouver is in the last lap of preparation for the 2010 Winter Olympic Games. All the athletes are getting their last few days of training in and preparing to go for the gold. Many of the Olympic athletes such as U.S. Speedskating and Speed Skating Canada have trusted USANA nutritional supplements to increase their energy levels and maintain their health. USANA's team of highly trained scientists follow pharmaceutical Good Manufacturing Practices to ensure the safety and quality of each product, products that have been proven safe, effective, and free of contaminants.

USANA is the only company in the world that offers Athlete’s a $1 million guarantee to any athlete that tests positive for banned substances while taking USANA’s Essentials. This makes USANA a company that athletes can TRUST!

You don’t have to train like an athlete or be one to participate in your own health. While taking USANA’s high quality supplements will nourish your cells, it is important to incorporate at least 30-60 minutes of physical activity each day. Fit it in where ever you can and remember it can be cumulative throughout the day.

Here are some ideas to help you:
- Walk to work or park farther from your destination and walk
- Take the stairs instead of the elevator
- Invest in a pedometer to measure how many steps you take each day (shoot for 10,000 steps/day)
- Find something enjoyable that will inspire you like belly dancing, rock climbing or yoga
- Find a motivating exercise video to do at home
- Register for a group class or hire a personal trainer to help keep you accountable and motivated
- Workout with a friend and provide support and motivation for each other (especially on those days where you don’t want to move your body)
- Book time in your schedule for physical activity. Your appointment with your health is just as important as any other meeting

Every step you take is one step closer to being more active and discovering a healthier you. Stay positive and celebrate your successes. Become your own cheerleader. You deserve to look good and feel good! You can do it; all it takes is one step!

Who do you trust your health to?

I am so frustrated that some doctors really don't know how to practice preventative medicine. Some are actually advising their clients in ways that I am sure actually leads to premature death. Wake up and read the research! Let me give you a bit of background before I vent some more.

My 87 year old Grandfather who is suffering from memory loss and suspected to have Alzheimer's disease has been taking a high quality fish oil since the beginning of November. My Grandmother, who knows him best and sees him every single day, told me that his memory has improved. While I wasn't expecting the omega 3 fatty acids to reverse the brain damage that has already occurred, I was hoping it would slow the progression. I was encouraged by the results in such a short period of time.

Recently my Grandfather was assessed by a doctor and I told my Grandmother to bring the Biomega to show them what he has been taking. I want them to have the full picture. The doctor told her that while the fish oil would have helped him years ago it was a waste of money and would not help him at this point. What the @#*@! (yes I am actually really pissed off - for those who know me well, know that I never swear).

Our bodies cannot produce omega 3 fatty acids and we need to get it from our food. The best sources are cold water fish (salmon, herring, mackerel, anchovies and sardines). Eating fish 5 times a week would help we also need to consider that many oily fish are contaminated with heavy metals and other fat-soluble pollutants which can accumulate to harmful levels for humans. I know he is not receiving the omega 3 fatty acids his body needs from his food so a supplement would make sense, would you not agree? Is it a waste of money to feed him at this point? (yes still venting)

Research has shown that a high intake of fish has been linked to a significant decrease in age-related memory loss as well as a lower risk of developing Alzheimer's disease. A study published in the International Journal of Neuroscience found that Alzheimer's patients given an omega 3 supplement experienced a significant improvement in their quality of life.

Personally I use a high quality supplement called Biomega which is what I suggested for my Grandfather. It is a high quality source formulated by scientists using pharmaceutical good manufacturing practices, highly effective purification techniques to remove contaminants like mercury and is all based on current research and optimal levels for cellular health.

I encouraged my Grandmother to continue giving the fish oil to my Grandfather and I assured her it wasn't a waste of money. If I was in Ontario right now I would be going to every appointment and speaking directly to the doctors. I know there are doctors out there educating their clients about healthy lifestyles, nutrition and preventative care. There needs to be more! In the meantime, I need to share and spread the word about taking charge of your own health!

I always see challenges or perceived obstacle in my life as an opportunity in disguise. As I shift my perspective I realize this incidence created more fuel for the fire that will continue to motivate me to educate and empower others to realize they need to be the change they want to see in their health & body. Everyone has the ability to heal and I will continue to teach you how to tap into your internal pharmacist.

While I know there are good doctors out there, please continue to educate yourself and to question your doctor when something doesn't make sense to you. For example, I was told by my last doctor to take TUMS because it was a good source of calcium. Why would I take an antacid to get calcium? Yes, she is no longer my doctor.

I will do my best to continue to provide resources and insight that will help you, but ultimately it is up to you to change your health. Only you can begin to care for your mind and body. You need to make the commitment to your own health.

What is one thing you can do this week to help you improve your health? It is helpful when you are accountable to someone, feel free to leave a comment with your commitment. We can all support each other.

Hugs, Sue